


The Death of the Au Pair

by moonlightIzzy



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Apartment, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Related, Character Death, Death, Drama, F/F, Female Relationships, Grief, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian, Love, Pain, Post-Canon, Romance, Soulmates, flower store, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightIzzy/pseuds/moonlightIzzy
Summary: Dani’s death proved to be much more painful than Jamie had thought. With the love of her life now gone, Jamie deals with the aftermath of finding Dani at the bottom of the lake. In the days that followed, Jamie considers whether to keep their flower shop running and the overwhelming matter of Dani’s funeral.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie/Viola Lloyd
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the first part! I’m planning to write more and hopefully get to the point where I’ve filled in my interpretation of what could have happened between Dani dying and Jamie retelling the story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

It had been six days. 

Jamie had been in a trance since she left Bly, after finding Dani at the bottom of that damned lake.  
The first night, she checked into an Inn the next town over from Bly and sat alone on the hard mattress, a million different thoughts rolling over in her head. When the morning came, she found the nearest phone box and called Owen.  
Since arriving back in the US, she had been spending her nights in a cheap motel, a mere twenty minute drive from their apartment. Jamie couldn’t bare to face going back to the store, back to the apartment. She didn’t want to think about it, but deep down, her heart yearned to be there, back in the familiarity of it all, despite the suffocating pain Jamie knew would be waiting for her.

So it was decided. Early one morning, Jamie packed the few belongings she had in her motel room, got into her Jeep, and set off for home.

The journey felt painfully slow, but soon enough she arrived on the outskirts of Montpelier and pulled up outside their flower shop. _Her _flower shop.__

____

Jamie sat alone in her Jeep, her eyes fixated on the parked car in front of her, scared out of her mind to walk through that door. Her heart was racing as tears fell effortlessly down her face.

____

She had called her friend last week, who lived in the area, to put a notice in the window of the flower shop noting that it would be closed until further notice and to water the plants occasionally, neglecting to inform her of why. 

____

Jamie couldn’t bear the thought of running the store without Dani, or even stepping foot into it without Dani, but she knew that she couldn’t avoid it indefinitely.

____

Jamie made an effort to take deep, long breaths before exiting her Jeep and stepping out onto the sidewalk. Staring at the glass door, she eyed the “closed” notice that she had turned over from “open” on the last night she spent with Dani. If only Jamie had known. If only she had known that Dani would leave her that night. Jamie would have stayed up, watching over her, holding onto her as tightly as she possibly could. Dani didn’t even say goodbye in person. There wasn’t one last final moment, one last final “I love you,” she was just gone. 

____

This was something that had occupied her mind since Dani’s death. Jamie was unable to decide whether it was a good thing or not; waking up with a note and Dani gone, with the alternative being an unbearable farewell. Jamie had come to the conclusion that the latter would have been harder for the both of them, but at least she would have been there to comfort Dani in her final moments, maybe even get her to stay a little while longer. 

____

Instead, Jamie’s last glimpse of her lover was seeing her dead at the bottom of that cursed lake. The image of Dani lying beneath those icy waters was stained in her mind like a blood stain on a white shirt. 

____

Jamie’s hand trembled as she put the key into the lock and turned it. The familiar click was somewhat comforting. Jamie heard that click every night when she closed the store for the day. The evenings that she spent with Dani after those clicks were some of her best memories - daylight hours were always busy, it was the evenings where they had time. Movie nights, take outs, cuddling on the couch, watercolour painting, rearranging the house plants, Jamie teaching Dani how to make tea and Dani teaching Jamie how to cook. 

____

Jamie took one last deep breath and stepped into the store. It was just past midday; the light poured in through the front windows. She glanced around. Most of the plants looked half-dead, but Jamie knew how to bring them back so they were seeping with life and colour once again, that’s what she was good at, after all.

____

Jamie spent the next hour watering and attending to her plants. Most were salvageable, and the ones that weren’t would make good compost. She made a mental note to never ask her friend to water plants again. 

____

As she wandered the shop floor, Jamie still couldn’t decide if she would keep it open or not. Without Dani, it felt so empty. Plants and flowers and leaves and pots crowded the floor, but there was still so much empty space. With a small flower pot in hand, Jamie looked over at the shop counter. Her mind wandered to images of her beautiful wife standing there, her smile radiant. Jamie turned to the shop door. She saw a memory of Dani walking through it, groceries in hand, muttering about an annoying cashier. She was wearing a pastel pink sweater and dark blue jeans. Jamie smiled. This place was empty without Dani, but her presence was everywhere. 

____

Her smile quickly faded when she remembered that particular memory only happened two weeks ago. Two weeks ago Dani was in the flower shop and everything was fine. They were together, but now Dani was gone, her body at the bottom of a lake over three thousand miles away. It felt like someone had reached into Jamie’s chest and teared her heart out; suddenly the pain came flooding back.

____

The grief was an inescapable void that threatened to swallow all of the hope and happiness Jamie had once had in her life. She knew she had to push past it and work up the courage to go upstairs to their apartment.  
She placed the drooping plant on the wooden counter top in front of her and headed towards the staircase at the back of the store. When she reached the top, Jamie pulled out her key and unlocked the door, hesitating before stepping inside. 

____

The sight of their apartment left Jamie in a state of bewilderment. It was like nothing had happened. Nothing at all. Dani’s coat was still hung up, her purse strewn on the couch. Every instinct in her body told her that Dani was okay and that she was probably in the shower or out at the grocery store or fetching last minute packing supplies. The familiarity of it all caused Jamie to want to reach out and find her and escape from this pain. But Dani was gone. No matter how much she searched, no matter how much she wished, Jamie wouldn’t find her lover in this apartment. 

____

She fell back against the door as her breathing quickened. It happened so fast, this immeasurable amount of grief that Jamie thought she could deal with, suddenly engulfed her completely. She slid down to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. 

____

_She’s gone. She’s gone._

____

____

____

The beast in the jungle was expected, but the pain that followed was much, much worse than Jamie could have ever imagined. 

____

____

____

She sat down by the door, her face wet with salty tears, for a moment that seemed to stretch out infinitely. The apartment lay before her, yearning to be in the presence of someone again. 

____

____

____

Jamie gathered herself and walked into the living room. The window blinds were still closed, the light from outside peaking through the slats. Jamie hadn’t opened them _that _morning. Hastily, she wiped her tears on her jacket sleeve and opened them to reveal the busy street outside. Next she walked into the kitchen. There were empty cups that hadn’t been washed and dishes that had not yet been put away. Jamie pursed her lips.__

____

______ _ _

____

_It’s like nothing happened._

____

_______ _ _ _

____

After tidying the dishes away, she willed every ounce of energy left in her to walk into the bedroom. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

The sheets were still messy and crinkled. Jamie eyed the note Dani left, that was still on the bed, right where Jamie had left it that morning before catching the first flight to England. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

As she walked over to the side of the bed, memories of that morning came rushing back. The heaviness of her heart when she saw the note on the dresser. The sharp pain that the note caused. The dread of what she knew it ultimately meant. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

Jamie gently traced her hand over the sheets and carefully sat down, moving herself over to Dani’s side. She picked up the note. 

____

_______ _ _ _

____

_I love you with every piece of me left, _it read.__

____

_______ _ _ _

____

__Jamie squeezed her eyes shut as tears trickled down her cheeks. Clasping the note to her chest, she rested her head on Dani’s pillow._ _

____

_________ _ _ _ _ _

____

She could still smell her. Her floral perfume, her coconut shampoo, her lavender scented necklace, _her._

__Jamie lay there for what must have been a couple of hours, drifting in and out of sleep, her thoughts only of her beautiful wife whom she missed so much. Jamie had realised this place was the last piece of Dani she had left. She could never leave. She would keep the store running, for as long as she could. Not only did Jamie enjoy owning a flower shop, but she reckoned it was the only thing that would keep her going. She had to keep Dani’s memory alive, keep it burning as bright as she did; a promise she made to herself, a promise that she had yet to break._ _

____

_________ _ _ _ _ _

____


	2. The Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of a short chapter, but I decided to spilt what would’ve been the second part into two parts, so I’ll publish chapter 3 soon!

It was the morning of Dani’s funeral. Jamie was standing in front of the mirror, fighting back the tears behind her eyes. She was wearing a black dress with a warm cotton coat. Even though it was Spring, there was still a chill in the air. 

The past week had felt like a blur to Jamie, as if she was stuck in a never ending nightmare. Reality had slowly been making an appearance in small matters, such as the emails sent to Dani’s mother about the arrangements for her daughter’s funeral.

There was a beautiful little church at the top of the hill, just a ten minute walk away from their apartment. Jamie was never particularly religious, but she knew that’s what Dani’s family wanted, and they came to an agreement for it to be held there.

The funeral was at 10:30. Jamie glanced at her watch. It read 10:05. She wanted to be there early, so she grabbed her purse and set off up the road, towards the church.

It was a cold morning. Frost lingered on newly bud leaves and the dew-covered grass sparkled in early sunlight. The street was quiet as Jamie walked briskly up towards the church. 

When she got there, there were several cars parked on the street nearby. Jamie walked through the gated entrance and round to the church doorway. 

When Jamie entered the small church, there were about ten other people, sat mostly towards the front, muttering amongst themselves; Dani’s family. 

Their voices quietened as Jamie walked to the front and took a seat. She could sense their eyes all directed at her. Dani had barely introduced Jamie to her family before she died, and from the way Dani had talked to Jamie about them, she knew they were never particularly close.

She had gained the impression that the death of her fiancé, Edmund, had created a tension between Dani and her family, especially her mother, and if Jamie was being honest, she wasn’t ecstatic about meeting them at the funeral.

More people slowly trailed in. There were a few friends and neighbours, some of Dani’s old school friends, and people whom she had not seen before.

Jamie’s eyes were fixated onto her lap. An empty coffin lay before her, surrounded by flowers she herself had picked out and arranged. She felt so alone without Dani by her side, almost unbalanced, as if without her wife, Jamie was only half the person she once was.

Just before 10:30, Owen walked in with a few people behind him, taking a seat beside Jamie. When she looked up, a wave of relief washed over her. Owen was a familiar face, one she could trust and confide in. She noticed the people beside him; Henry, Miles and Flora. Jamie was startled for a second, she hadn’t seen Miles or Flora for a long time, not since they were young teenagers. She had invited them to the funeral, knowing Dani would’ve wanted them there, whether they remembered her or not. It pained Jamie that the two children, now grown up, who Dani had cared so deeply for, didn’t know who Dani was or what she did for them. They were both looking at the framed picture of Dani at the front of the church, as if they were searching their memories for her face. Henry had told them Dani was their au pair when they were children, nothing more.  
Jamie always wondered if not telling them was the best thing to do. She wondered what the harm was in telling the kids the almost-full story, where the morbid details were conveniently left out, or perhaps, Jamie thought, retelling it exactly, but as if they were characters in a story. A ghost story.

“How you holding up?” Owen asked as her as he took her hand in his.

“Alright, considering.” Jamie peeked up at the coffin, knowing she was outright lying to Owen. “It’s so weird. We’re going to bury an empty coffin, surrounded by people we’ve never even met.” 

“Funerals are...odd things.” Owen noticed Jamie’s uneasiness. “Think of it as a way for everyone to say goodbye, to give people that she knew a sense of closure.”

“How am I supposed to move on from this Owen? She was all I had.”

“I know.” He held her hand a little tighter. “You’re strong, Jamie. I know that. Everyone knows that.” Owen’s thoughts drifted to Hannah. “You’ll find a way through this. I promise you it won’t be easy, but you’ll find a way through.” Then, in almost a whisper, he leaned in closer so Jamie would hear him, “There’s a reason Dani didn’t want you to share her fate. She wanted you to _live _.”__

__Jamie looked at Owen with sad eyes. “Yeah.” she sniffled, trying not to erupt into a teary mess._ _

__It was then that the pastor walked up to the front of the church and the service began._ _

__*_ _

__Soon after, they followed Dani’s coffin into the cemetery, where the Pastor spoke kind words about Dani. Something about how she shone a light on everything she touched, how deeply she cared about the people around her. Jamie tried her best to pay attention to his words, but she didn’t listen to all of it, her thoughts were elsewhere. Her mind had become distracted with thoughts of what could have been. The beautiful, long life they could have lived together if it weren’t for that night at Bly all those years ago. The hopes of growing old together, and raising a family together, all seemed distant yet increasingly present in Jamie’s thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, they might have had a family or lived life less cautiously, if it wasn’t for the beast in the jungle. The beast which could have sprung at any moment and wrecked havoc upon their lives._ _

__Jamie always knew in the depths of her heart that her and Dani’s life together would never be normal, but they cherished the time they had, however little it might have been._ _

__The empty coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. People threw handfuls of dirt down into the grave; one last goodbye._ _

__Among the small gathering, Jamie noticed a woman who was unmistakably Dani’s mom. Next to her was another woman, with dark hair, who she recognised from a photograph Dani had shown her years ago of her ex-fiancé’s mother. There were a few people beside them, around Jamie’s age. Cousins perhaps._ _

__Jamie paid little attention to them as people made their way to their cars to travel to a nearby restaurant for a small gathering in memory of Dani. Dani’s family lived too far away and Jamie had thought it best not to try and fit everyone into her apartment. So they booked out a small restaurant for lunch._ _

__Jamie knew this would mean making painful smalltalk to people she had never met and who she had previously had no intention of meeting before Dani’s death._ _

__Owen told Jamie that he would wait for her in the car, to give her a moment._ _

__Jamie had brought a moonflower with her to plant beside the headstone. One day, she hoped it would grow and blossom into something beautiful, up against Dani’s headstone. It would take work, she knew that, but Jamie was counting on being here often enough to care for the plant._ _

__She could feel her hands turning red from the icy morning weather. Lowering herself down onto the damp grass, she breathed in the cold, heavy air, exhaling it to form warm, white swirls around her. Dani wasn’t here, not really, but Jamie knew in her heart that this grave was a place that she could go to talk to her, reminisce or have a good cry. She felt an overwhelming need to do all three at that moment._ _

__“I’m sorry it had to be like this. It isn’t fair, not for anyone.” Jamie’s vision became blurry with new tears. “You deserved so much more than this Dani...so much more.” She ran her fingers through the soaked, green grass. Felt the earth beneath her._ _

__Suddenly, like a memory plucked from thin air, words Flora had said all those years ago came back to her._ _

__“Dead doesn’t mean gone.”_ _

__Jamie didn’t think much of it at the time, but now she understood. People live through others, through their memories and their love, even when they aren’t physically with us anymore. She knew that the love her and Dani had was special, and that they knew each other better than anyone in the world._ _

__Jamie sat in the cold silence for a long moment, before getting up to go find Owen’s car._ _


	3. Chapter 3

Jamie lent her head against the window of Owen’s car as they drove to the restaurant and watched the streets as they became busier. The sun was higher in the sky now and noon crept upon them. 

The lunch was pleasant for the most part. There were sandwiches, cakes, soups, cheeses to choose from, with fancy bottles of red wine at every table. Jamie was sat with Owen, Henry, Miles and Flora, who were chatting amongst themselves, but she was unable to eat anything, her insides filled with grief.

She had been running her fingernail, which was lined with dirt from the past few days of attempting to bring her flowers back to life, along a patterned napkin which was folded neatly into a perfect triangle on the velvet tablecloth.

Suddenly, a woman sat down in the empty seat beside Jamie, causing her to look up from the table. It was an older woman; Dani’s mother. She had dyed blonde hair and grey roots, and an uneasiness to her that caused a discomfort in the pit of Jamie’s stomach. They shared a long glance before the woman spoke.

“You must be Jamie.” 

Jamie was taken by surprise. She had never formally met Dani’s mother.

Jamie nodded forcefully. “That’s me.” She made a quick side glance the others, which they immediately recognised as an indicator to leave them both.

“My name’s Karen, I’m-“

“Dani’s mum.” Jamie cut her off and took a large sip of her red wine. “I know.”

“Oh! Well, you see, Dani never introduced you to us even though I got the impression that you were both very close.” 

Jamie almost choked on her drink. She looked at Karen with disbelief. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You and Danielle! It sounds like you made quite a life for yourselves.” Jamie contemplated informing Karen of their romance, of their civil partnership, but Jamie knew that she was just playing dumb. “Oh I’ll have to visit your flower shop sometime. It sounds lovely, but I can’t help wonder if that’s what Dani really wanted to spend her life doing, her passion was with children you know.”

Jamie was taken aback. She laughed. “I loved Dani for thirteen years. We built an amazing, beautiful life together. Running The Leafling was something we both loved. Did you know Dani volunteered at the local elementary school over the years too?” Jamie was trying to keep her anger at bay. She wanted to scream at her, tell her that she saved a young girl’s life by sacrificing her own. Dani’s selflessness and her love for others was one of the things Jamie had always admired about her.

“Danielle was never quite the same after she took that summer job in England. She took um...Edmund’s death quite hard, and so she distracted herself with travelling across the Atlantic. Never heard much from her after that.” Karen busied herself with twisting a silver ring on one of her slim fingers. “She could have had a great life with Edmund, oh! They were the most perfect-“

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Jamie said in an overly clear voice. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think Dani was the person you thought she was. She didn’t want to spend her life with Edmund. What she really felt, she was too afraid to-“

“Of course she did! They were engaged.” Karen stared off into the distance while stroking her neck. “So tragic how life can change all of a sudden like that. You know they were best friends when they were little kids? Practically grew up together.”

“Yeah I know. I know all about it, Karen.” Jamie fixed her gaze onto Dani’s mother. “I’ve never...” Jamie took a pause to think carefully about what words she would say to this woman. “I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved your daughter. I found peace with her, I found a home. Dani was everything to me, she was all I had...and now she’s gone.” Karen pursed her lips, knowing full well that Jamie and her daughter had been love and built a life together. Some deeply rooted part of her, a place of taught hate, convinced Karen that Dani would have had a better life with Edmund. “The world always seemed to be against us though, that was the problem.” Jamie continued. “Her past, the ordeal at Bly, the society we live in where two women in love are not seen as equal to a man and women in love. How low do we have to stoop as human beings before admitting to ourselves that maybe we should just let other people be happy? And be happy _for _them! As a mother, I’d expect you’d understand that.” Jamie took a large swig of her drink.__

__Karen was left in a guilty silence. They both sat there for a solid three minutes, before Karen looked over at Jamie and said something that Jamie would have never expected her to say._ _

__“You’re right. You’re right. I wasn’t a good mother. I wasn’t there for Dani when she needed me, but I did want what was best for her.” She took a deep, shaky breath, as if it took every ounce of courage in her to utter her next words. “Maybe that was you. You seemed to have been happy together.” Karen shuffled in her seat uncomfortably. “But whatever ordeal she went through that led her to that lake in England, at least she had someone there for her. Someone she loved and had a life with. I may still think Edmund and Danielle were a match made in heaven,” Karen laughed, a hint of nervousness in her voice, “but I could never control what Danielle chose to do with her life, no matter how hard I tried. She was stubborn that way. Danielle was a light in both of our lives, I think. We’ve lost someone very special. I wish you the best, Jamie.”_ _

__With those final words, Dani’s mother stood up and walked away, just as suddenly as she had appeared, leaving Jamie in a state of confusion._ _

__“What on Earth was all that about?” asked Owen as he returned to the table._ _

__“Oh nothing, just Dani’s homophobic, yet clearly grieving mother, voicing her opinion.”_ _

__“Opinion on what?”_ _

__“On how Dani should have lived happily ever after with her fiancé. Edmund, that is.”_ _

__“Christ.”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“Don’t go overthinking things, yeah? Without you, who knows where Dani would’ve ended up.”_ _

__“Well she might still be alive, Owen.”_ _

__“No, not necessarily. Dani didn’t know you when she took the au pair job. She would’ve ended up at Bly regardless, but because of you, Dani had, what I can imagine, the happiest and most wonderful thirteen years of her life.”_ _

__Jamie couldn’t speak. If she did, her voice would crack and it would be over._ _

__“That’s life, I’m afraid.” Henry said as he joined the them again, followed by Miles and Flora. “You’ve got to take the good with the bad.” Owen slowly nodded in agreement._ _

__Miles spoke to Jamie for the first time since the funeral that morning, “I can’t say I remember much of Dani, but the way everyone talks about her, makes me think she was a really special person. You’re lucky to have had each other.” He gave her a caring smile, which Jamie returned._ _

__“You were the gardener, weren’t you?” Jamie looked at Flora, surprised by her words. “At our summer home when we were kids?” Henry and Owen looked as startled as Jamie did. No one had told Miles and Flora who Jamie was to them._ _

__“Yes. I was. You remember me?”_ _

__“Vaguely,” said Flora as she tilted her head slightly. She must have been twenty-one, maybe twenty-two years old now. Jamie couldn’t help grieve for the years her and Dani had missed out on seeing them grow up, but it was for the best, she supposed, despite her doubt about Henry’s decision not to tell them. “That’s where you met her, isn’t it?” Jamie smiled at Flora and wondered if she remembered more than Henry and Owen thought._ _

__Jamie nodded and laughed to herself. “Yeah, that’s where we met. Where we got to know each other...when we weren’t running around after you pesky kids, that is.” They all laughed harmoniously, and for a short moment, it felt as if they were back in the kitchen at Bly Manor._ _

__“If only...” Jamie hesitated. “If only Dani was here, to see you all grown up. She would have been so proud of you both.” She looked over at Miles and Flora, now as they were, and promised herself that one day she would tell them the full story, one way or another. She loved Dani too much not to._ _

__“She really sounds like she was a lovely person, I just wish I remembered her,” said Miles._ _

__“She cared about you both, a lot.” said Jamie. Henry cleared his throat, as a signal for Jamie not to delve into the past too much, despite her annoyance. “That was one of the things I really loved about her,” Jamie continued. “The fact that she cared as deeply as she did. Dani saw the best in everyone she met, including me.” Jamie laughed to herself. “Especially me.”_ _

__An old memory seeped into Jamie’s mind. Her and Dani’s first night together. The night when she was open and truthful about herself with Dani, who still, despite everything Jamie told her, decided to kiss her. The ghost of that moonflower had been at the centre of their relationship for so long, that Jamie had almost forgotten it’s meaning._ _

___“It’s beauty lies in the mortality of the thing.” ____ _

____It all made sense to Jamie now. Everything had come full circle. Their relationship was like a moonflower. Both of them had struggled throughout their lives, but flourished in the presence of each other. It didn’t last long, but it was beautiful._ _ _ _

____“I miss her Owen. I miss her _so _much.”___ _ _ _

______“I know Jamie, I know.” said Owen in a sympathetic tone. “The thing is, good things don’t always last forever, it was a beautiful moment in time, you loved her and she loved you the same, and the rest...” Owen paused. “...well, you know.”_ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
